Was it always like this?
Have people always struggled this much to communicate well, or is this a "problem" that keeps becoming more common?
It's a topic that comes up much more in the context of relationships, but the more I notice it, the more I realize it goes far beyond that.
To me, good communication is closely tied to how much consideration we have for other people.
Communicating isn't just talking. It can show up in many forms: making our intentions clear, saying what we think, giving context, showing interest, being consistent, being present, or simply not leaving the other person guessing at something that could have just been said.
And communicating isn't just speaking up when something is wrong or bothers us.
It's also knowing how to recognize what's going well.
- Showing appreciation.
- Showing interest.
- Giving feedback.
Letting the other person know that what they do doesn't go unnoticed.
Sometimes it feels like we complicate things that don't need to be complicated.
Isn't it easier to say or show that we are, or aren't, interested in someone, instead of leaving them to try to figure it out?
Isn't it easier to give some context about what's going on instead of just disappearing?
Isn't it easier to say we can't make a plan when we already know it, or at least give a heads-up in advance, instead of canceling at the last minute?
Being vague isn't interesting or mysterious. It's not knowing how to communicate.
Of course, no one has to be available all the time, reply immediately, or justify every decision they make.
We all have our own lives, our own problems, our own priorities, and our own limits.
Consideration doesn't mean always being available for others.
It means understanding that when our decisions involve other people, there's a minimum responsibility we owe them.
When we cancel a plan at the last minute, we're not just changing our own schedule. We're changing someone else's too.
When we disappear without context, we leave someone filling in the blanks with their own interpretations.
When we're inconsistent, we force others to keep guessing where we actually stand.
And often, the problem isn't even what we do. It's how we do it.
- We can say no.
- We can change our minds.
- We can be busy.
- We can not be interested.
- We can need space.
None of that is, on its own, a lack of consideration.
The lack of consideration is often in making others deal with the consequences of our decisions without even acknowledging that those consequences exist.
Because there's always a difference:
- Between not being able to be available and making someone feel like their time doesn't matter.
- Between not knowing what we want and leaving someone endlessly trying to figure it out.
- Between needing space and simply disappearing without any explanation.
At its core, communicating well doesn't mean always having the right answer.
It doesn't mean knowing exactly what we want.
Nor does it mean being able to be there for everyone.
It means being aware that what we do also reaches someone else.
- We can be clear.
- We can give context.
- We can say no.
- We can give a heads-up in advance.
- We can show when we appreciate something.
- We can acknowledge someone's effort.
- We can simply say when something has changed.
We don't need to complicate things.
We just need to remember.
On the other side of our messages, our silences, our decisions, and our absences, there's someone.
And maybe communicating well is, at its core, exactly that: not just knowing how to express what we think or feel, but having enough consideration to remember who's on the other side.